Running

It took me standing on a beach in California to entertain the idea that I am running from my grief. Blitz died the day after Christmas, and since then I’ve been finding myself staying out of the house more and more. Once the New Year was over, and Megan returned to her home, I couldn’t stand the thought of being alone in this house anymore… so I subconsciously ran.

I ran away to Wimberly.

I ran away to Inks Lake.

I ran away to the Guadalupe Mountains.

I ran away to California.

I’m about to run away again to the Guadalupe Mountains.

I buried myself deeper and deeper into SAR… have been gone every weekend. Been emotionally half-available. It’s taken me until standing on these beach in Carpentaria to wonder if all I am doing is running away.

And I’m not giving the people in my life the time they deserve. The version of me they deserve… I deserve.