Man’s Best Friend
I find myself in a conundrum. This is the part I don’t think people talk about in grief… the moving on part. The part where you ask yourself how far along the grief healing train you go before you take an active step in moving forward with life.
I find myself waffling between getting another dog or not…
On one hand, life is significantly easier without having the anchor of a dog. For starters, I can travel freely. No costs associated with boarding. no loading/unloading beds and toys and food and other travel necessities. No curfew of when I have to get back to let them out of potty breaks. Without a dog, I can literally drop everything I’m doing and just go work remote somewhere… something I’ve always wanted to do.
On the other hand… my life is less richer without a K9 companion. Sure, I fill my dog-time quota interacting with my search and rescue colleagues K9’s, but every time I get home I find myself asking when is it time to move on?
Some folks don’t understand the depth to which one can have with a dog, and I pity them. That connection runs deep… so deep that Megan and I literally say that losing Blitz was like losing a child. He was everything to us, and he loved “mommy-Megan” more than anything else in the world.
I’m afraid that I won’t bond with whatever dog I get. I’m afraid to get a puppy because I don’t want to get mad or frustrated with it… I already hate how I get frustrated so easily. It’s such an ugly trait with me that I wish I could change.
My brother told me to not think of it as replacing Blitz, as he will never be replaced, but rather an opportunity to open my heart to joy again. And yet I still hesitate with this.
Maybe all of this is me trying to squander my own joy again?
I say this all to not solicit people’s opinions, as truly the only opinions that matter are Megan and I’s. I guess I’m just doing verbal diarrhea to dump out all the thoughts that have been floating in my head without further analysis.
Truthfully though… I’m lonely. I work remote, and have done so for five years now (which is wild to me but that’s a different story). Blitz was essentially my coworker and the only other living creature I would see sometimes if I didn’t have any meetings or if I didn’t go to jiu jitsu. Now I understand why it’s so important to not separate the elderly from their pets when they go into the “old folks home.” I feel like that is one of the most cruelest things you can do to a pet or a person. Can you imagine spending the last years of your life without your beloved companion? How tortuous could that be? I could never be subjected to that… not having him now is hurtful enough.
