Esteemable Acts
“Only with open hands can you give and receive.”A few years ago, I learned this wonderful term that helped me get squared away on my life again. I think it was my friend, Liam, who told me about this concept and how it’s a common term used in AA, which I’m not an alcoholic (I’m a borderline “teetotaler” at this point). Nevertheless, the concepts found in AA can be applied across the board.
I think back on the trying times in my life and I didn’t magically regain my self-esteem by injecting botox into my face or dropping weight… or going out to parties… or spending money…
But first, what ARE “esteemable acts?”
I got it by starting small. First and foremost, I made my bed every morning. Simple enough… but this simple act gave me pride in taking care of myself. I knew by making my bed, I had set myself for something comforting to go to by the end of the night when my sorrow is highest and self-worth lowest. There is something incredibly soothing about ending the day in a clean, neat bed. I can’t imagine any sort of healing or self-worth being found crawling into a hamster nest of blankets and clothes… it’s one of the reasons why the most important purchase I ever made for myself when I moved to Texas was buying my first bed.
The second, and this is one I struggle with, was getting dressed every morning in NEW clothes. This is hard for me since I work from home, so sometimes it’s kind of easy to just wear athleisure all day every day, but then my self-esteem isn’t really great. In the past year, I’ve slipped back into that old habit, and have been slowly telling myself every day I MUST follow my routine.
So now every day, I wake up the same time. I brush my teeth/hair/change, make my bed, go for a walk, make my breakfast, practice mindfulness, and clock into work. Every day, I do jiu jitsu or Crossfit; I celebrate my sweat as not a means of destroying my body but honoring myself by staying physically strong and going through hard things (like 50 deadlifts and 50 burpees in under 6 minutes… shoot me…). Every evening I stretch, shower, and do my skincare routine. I know this sounds all silly, but when you’ve been putting self-care on the backburner so you can juggle 50 other projects and burn yourself out, doing these small things build self-esteem. Builds confidence in myself.
Even something as simple as buying new underwear and socks can build your self-esteem… stupid I know, but it works. Don’t believe me? Try it!
Connecting with friends, experiencing new things is great… but I personally don’t believe they build self-esteem (especially if your friends are complete shite and go against your values). All friends typically do is tell you want you want to hear or are an empathetic ear, which I appreciate. True self-esteem is built by small acts of self-care.
The next are matters of the soul. This is why volunteering has been so pivotal for me. There is something about volunteering to help people who CAN NEVER possibly pay you back that build confidence, connects you with humanity, and gives you purpose. I pity the people in this world who walk around without a single sense of purpose in their lives… how arduous a journey it must be when your compass that guides you is broken. It’s very easy to get lost along the way.
I remember when it was 2013 and I had just watched a homeless man get obliterated by a car (which you can read about that story here). I was 25 at the time, not sure about who I was or where I wanted to be. My life was riddled with doubts… I thought my degree was a mistake, my career was a mistake, and living in my hometown was a giant mistake. I had no idea who I was and what I stood for. I was miserable. This lead me to find SAR, and that has brought me so much joy, empathy, compassion, and respect for humanity through this work.
I found answers in helping others and found my life’s purpose. Doing a good job at this, working to bring families closure, and bounding with my teammates has given me more than I have ever given it.
